The Bible describes sex outside of marriage as sin. What are my girlfriend and I supposed to do?
10/10/24
This is an oddly challenging line of questioning, especially in the 21st century in the United States, and probably in many other places as well. It's challenging because there are a few unstated assumptions. Let's walk through the logical requirements in a more or less orderly manner.
First, we're making an assumption that the Bible actually matters in our current culture. That's an assumption that I think it's evident I would make anyway. The Bible makes internal claims to be an authoritative text. It makes unambiguous claims to authority. Christians routinely accept that authority.
Second, we're making an assumption that we can correctly identify the Bible's overall view as being opposed to sexual activity outside of the bounds of marriage. The depictions in the Bible of sexual relationships outside of marriage are routinely negative. Again, in this matter we have an authoritative claim which I find to be unambiguous. If we accept the canonical Scriptures as an authority, we can also accept that it takes a negative view of sex outside of marriage. Last Thursday's post gave several reasons that marriage would be recognized as involving one man and one woman in an exclusive relationship for life.
A third assumption we make in this line of questioning is that what the Bible identifies as sin is wrong. If we ignore this presupposition, the bulk of Jewish and Christian teaching is instantly no more useful than anyone's individual opinion. So we're going to keep that in the mix.
Here's where we actually run into some difficulty. The beginning of the line of questioning said, "The Bible describes sex outside of marriage as sin." It's a clear statement. What's the assumption in the actual question, "What are my girlfriend and I supposed to do?" In a very real way, this is a question that answers itself. I would propose that our current society could ask the question only because of not liking the answer.
There are really only two directions to go with this relationship. One is to get married and to enjoy one another's sexuality, exclusively, for as long as you both live. The other is to find a way to enjoy a friendship without a sexual relationship. I suppose another is to offend or anger one another and cease to be friends, but that is generally not a positive way to move in a relationship.
The real difficulty here isn't one of interpersonal interactions so much as one of our view of sexual activity. Our culture has an assumption that it's possible, and even maybe normal and beneficial, to be sexually involved with someone else in a way that will be indifferent in the long run. Yet if we accept the biblical presuppositions in the first sentence of our line of questioning, we will also observe that the Bible never describes a sexual relationship as a matter of indifference. It's always to be surrounded by a marital relationship. Genesis 2:24, described by Jesus in Mark 10:8-9 affirms that marriage is a relationship which protects both parties. It places their sexuality in a lasting, exclusive relationship. It makes the husband and wife relationship an illustration of the lasting, exclusive relationship of Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). And it's good, really good.
So what should you do? If your girlfriend is someone you should marry, marry her. And remember that marriage is to last as long as you are both alive. If your boyfriend is someone you should marry, marry him. And remember that marriage is to last as long as you are both alive. Otherwise, figure out a way to be friends. Friendships normally don't involve a sexual relationship. And they are good also.
10/10/24
This is an oddly challenging line of questioning, especially in the 21st century in the United States, and probably in many other places as well. It's challenging because there are a few unstated assumptions. Let's walk through the logical requirements in a more or less orderly manner.
First, we're making an assumption that the Bible actually matters in our current culture. That's an assumption that I think it's evident I would make anyway. The Bible makes internal claims to be an authoritative text. It makes unambiguous claims to authority. Christians routinely accept that authority.
Second, we're making an assumption that we can correctly identify the Bible's overall view as being opposed to sexual activity outside of the bounds of marriage. The depictions in the Bible of sexual relationships outside of marriage are routinely negative. Again, in this matter we have an authoritative claim which I find to be unambiguous. If we accept the canonical Scriptures as an authority, we can also accept that it takes a negative view of sex outside of marriage. Last Thursday's post gave several reasons that marriage would be recognized as involving one man and one woman in an exclusive relationship for life.
A third assumption we make in this line of questioning is that what the Bible identifies as sin is wrong. If we ignore this presupposition, the bulk of Jewish and Christian teaching is instantly no more useful than anyone's individual opinion. So we're going to keep that in the mix.
Here's where we actually run into some difficulty. The beginning of the line of questioning said, "The Bible describes sex outside of marriage as sin." It's a clear statement. What's the assumption in the actual question, "What are my girlfriend and I supposed to do?" In a very real way, this is a question that answers itself. I would propose that our current society could ask the question only because of not liking the answer.
There are really only two directions to go with this relationship. One is to get married and to enjoy one another's sexuality, exclusively, for as long as you both live. The other is to find a way to enjoy a friendship without a sexual relationship. I suppose another is to offend or anger one another and cease to be friends, but that is generally not a positive way to move in a relationship.
The real difficulty here isn't one of interpersonal interactions so much as one of our view of sexual activity. Our culture has an assumption that it's possible, and even maybe normal and beneficial, to be sexually involved with someone else in a way that will be indifferent in the long run. Yet if we accept the biblical presuppositions in the first sentence of our line of questioning, we will also observe that the Bible never describes a sexual relationship as a matter of indifference. It's always to be surrounded by a marital relationship. Genesis 2:24, described by Jesus in Mark 10:8-9 affirms that marriage is a relationship which protects both parties. It places their sexuality in a lasting, exclusive relationship. It makes the husband and wife relationship an illustration of the lasting, exclusive relationship of Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). And it's good, really good.
So what should you do? If your girlfriend is someone you should marry, marry her. And remember that marriage is to last as long as you are both alive. If your boyfriend is someone you should marry, marry him. And remember that marriage is to last as long as you are both alive. Otherwise, figure out a way to be friends. Friendships normally don't involve a sexual relationship. And they are good also.
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